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On Miscarriage: Pregnant, Not Pregnant
By Christina Hamilton Miscarriage is such an awkward and horrific thing. Horrific for the woman who loses her baby and awkward for those who love her. No one knows what to say or do. It happened to me. Just a few weeks before my twenty-fourth birthday, I was surprised to discover I was pregnant with my second child. I was late, of course but that is not always the reason. However, I knew for sure that I could be pregnant when my telltale sciatic nerve began acting up while I was giving my two-year-old son his bath. A quick test the next day and a trip to the OB-GYN confirmed it.…
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Offering Forgiveness When You Would Rather Not
By Vanessa Rasanen This Spring was hard. Well, about 6 months of this year was hard. I’d like to say that was solely due to our losing three babies early into the pregnancies, but to be honest, peace for our lost little ones came somewhat quickly. Much quicker than I expected. Yes, even after the first loss. Instead, I traded grief and mourning for bitterness and frustration. Okay, frustration is a lie. I was pissed. Hurt, angry, enraged. Seething, might be a good word. Someone’s words regarding that first miscarriage had hit hard and cut deep just a day or two after we found out. The initial shock and disbelief soon…
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Memories Outdone By Truth
By Debra-Lynn Swearingen Memories of you from photographs faded streams of light they form my recollection and I close my eyes real tight I can almost hear your voice and see you standing near lingering in the moment forgetting you’re not here Memories are so fickle rushing from joy to sorrow happiness etched in minutes no promised earthly tomorrow But O’ how I return to yesterday and long for times gone by lingering in days of yore an old familiar cry So I wonder if memory is gift or a curse? The past is better than it was reality—all the worse For here I am without you no wishing’ll bring you…
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On the Loss no one wants to discuss
Editor’s note. Because of the very sensitive nature of this post, comments will be watched carefully. Please remember your compassion before commenting. By Anonymous I am a mother but I have no child. I don’t tell people about my loss and I don’t know if I ever really will. When I think about my baby my feelings are deeply sorrowful and guilty. And ashamed. You see, I had an abortion. I am a mother with no child because my child is dead… and I bear the guilt for it. I’ve repented and been absolved. I’ve grown up more and gotten married. And yet I’ve never gotten over or moved…
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Whitewashed In Brokenness
By Kaitlin Jandereski A lot of normality goes on in this world. People wake up, fix their daily cup of joe and read their Treasury of Daily Prayer. Then they brush their teeth, comb their hair, clock in and end the day with tired feet. It’s all in the day-to-day grind. Except when it’s not. Except when something is off, when your stomach turns before you know why, when your day-to-day life isn’t like any other day anymore. I had a day like that and I think it’s important that we talk about it. *** On a winter eve, a friend of mine had asked me to come to his…
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Loss, Grief, and Miscarriage
–This post was submitted anonymously. I had a miscarriage, and it’s a secret. My child, which was being knit together by God in a secret place died, and became a secret also. He was alive inside me long enough for me to begin dreaming about what his life would be like, but not long enough to seem real now as I look back to this shadowy time in my life. This child, who in my imagination was my son, was a gift given to me years after I had given up the possibility of carrying a child. My pregnancy test turned positive only hours before I heard my pastor preach…
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What the Grieving Heart Needs
by Vanessa Rasanen Life is not easy. The vast majority of us here have it pretty good, and most of our “trials” could likely be chalked up to your average #firstworldproblems, a basic annoyance or irritation, frustration or hurdle. Most of us don’t know and cannot fathom a life spent in constant fear, facing real persecution, or feeling true hunger. Yet, we are not immune to pain and tribulation, and we get no pass from sin, death, suffering and loss. Satan attacks all, from the poorest beggar to the wealthiest of kings. He shows no discrimination or favoritism based on where we live or who we were born to. Our civil, financial…
