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The Offense of Failed Empathy
By Vanessa Rasanen There’s perhaps a point in each of our lives when even the most docile and genial of us have wanted to firmly kick another person in the shin. Hard. If I were a betting woman — which, who are we kidding, I totally am if there’s a blackjack table and a babysitter nearby — I’d wager that more often than not this urge is due, in no small part, to the other person’s less than tactful comments. In short, “Oh no, they didn’t!” Of course we live in the age of offense, where even those of us who mock it become offended just as easily. (Even if…
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Finding Help Shouldn’t Be This Hard, Should It?
By Vanessa Rasanen I am not the most private person — classic oversharer, here. It’s pretty easy to open up, to let people in, and to yammer on about even the hardest of situations with others, and I have always processed situations — especially difficult ones — by talking. If I try to keep it inside and handle it on my own, it seems stifling, suffocating. Yet, I have also spent years upon years individually processing and analyzing my life experiences and the resulting scars. Tirelessly. Endlessly. That horse? It was beaten to death long ago. After years of self reflection, some growth, and much prayer many of my scars…
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I’m Failing to Parent in the Pew
By Vanessa Rasanen That Sunday was pretty much like any other, except my husband actually had the day off work and was able to join us for church. I don’t know if having him there with us caused me to drop my guard or what, but shortly after the Lord’s Supper had concluded and our pastors were returning the chalice and such to the altar, I looked up to see our almost three year old little girl smiling at me from the other side of the chancel railing. Somehow she had slipped away from me and her Godmother while my husband was out in the narthex disciplining the five year…
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Open Letter to My Non-Christian Family and Friends
Dear family and friends, I am sorry. I have failed you. Time and time again I have let you down. I have not cared for you as I should. I have been selfish, putting my own comfort ahead of your well-being. Even now, I’m choosing the easy route, typing this out rather than saying it directly to you. Please forgive me. I know it seems strange that I became a Christian, that I attend church every Sunday, that I teach our children God’s Word, that I believe in God’s creation of the earth in seven days thousands of years ago, rather than millions. I know it probably seems like I…
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You Are Not Enough And Never Will Be
By Vanessa Rasanen No, that’s not a clickbait title. It’s the truth. I realize it’s not the feel-good message we all crave and then share emphatically to our social media with a bold “THIS!” attached. But I don’t really care, because I’m not here to tell you what you want to hear. I didn’t wake up early and reheat yesterday’s coffee to type out empty words. So, sorry hon, but you are not enough. You never will be enough. If you’re like me, my friends, and pretty much any other human being on the planet, you probably — perhaps not always, but at some point — have felt that prickly…
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Finding Contentment in the Tough Decisions
By Vanessa Rasanen I sat uncomfortably on the couch — or was it a loveseat? No matter. The man across from me listened as I rambled a bit, my eyes shifting off to the corner of the room and then to my feet and then back to him. I’ve never been comfortable with eye contact when I’m speaking, and ever since I had someone call me out on my rude way of looking around during a conversation I’m well-aware that I am doing this now. The man chuckles slightly when I finally stop. “You are very black and white in your thinking. You seem concerned with whether you’re doing the…
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Who Am I Exactly?
By Vanessa Rasanen Trends come and go, especially in the world of social media. Some are awesome — I did love seeing friends’ “love your spouse” challenge posts. And others? Not so much. The latest one has popped up in both Facebook and instagram, and I rather enjoy it. Friends share the three fictional characters that match their personality. It’s been a lot of fun to get a glimpse of how my friends and acquaintances view themselves. Sometimes I nod and laugh at how spot-on their picks are. And others I’m surprised. But overall it’s been fascinating and entertaining. While I don’t participate in many of these things, I have wanted to with this one. Seems easy enough, I…
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I Do Not Care If My Children Are Happy
By Allison Hull and Vanessa Rasanen “As long as my children are happy, I’m happy.” We hear this often, don’t we? Whether it’s from secular folks who argue that it shouldn’t matter who our kids grow up to be, what they do, or how they act, or if it’s our own parents insisting they only want us to be happy, this emphasis on the pursuit of happiness is ingrained in our society. Everyone just wants everyone else to be happy, especially the children. We are constantly inundated with calls to “live and let live” and told “You do you; I’ll do me”. If we question this “whatever makes you happy” brand of parenting, we get…
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An Open Letter to My Four Kids
By Vanessa Rasanen To my four children: I am no perfect mama. I am very much a poor and miserable sinner of a mom. But you don’t really need me to remind you of that. Even at your oh-so young ages you’ve had the blinders removed and seen me in some of my darkest moments. Okay, maybe not the 1-week-old as much, but I’m fairly certain he has spent the last several months hearing my raised voice when I get angry and feeling my body shake from the sobs when that guilt hits afterward. Parenting is hard. I know it probably looks like such an easy thing from your perspective. Dad…
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Resisting the Blessing of Rest
By Vanessa Rasanen Months ago I posted a meme on my Facebook page pointing out how parents view non parents who claim to be exhausted — basically, with hysterical laughter. It earned me some pretty heated comments, as well as some unfollows. I probably should have expected such a reaction, given our propensity these days to take everything as a personal affront or insult. No matter how many times I tried to explain the point of the meme — not that non parents aren’t ever tired, but just that there is an extreme level of exhaustion inherent in parenting that one can’t fathom until one experiences it — I still…
