Marital Advice From the Sisters

→By the Sisters of Katie Luther

Marriage is a blessing– a dear one, at that. It’s a beautiful part of God’s plan for His creation– two become one.

Sometimes things are harder than we anticipate, and we need loving advice from sisters who have been there, done that. Sometimes we need to seek pastoral care, or counseling.

If advice is all you need, we’ve got you covered with some things we’ve all learned over the years. In no particular order, here’s what the writers said about marriage:

• Dates don’t have to be expensive, or even out of the house. Sometimes we just put the kids to bed and watch a movie and have pizza.
•  Be careful telling others all the details of arguments– sometimes it’s harder for friends and family to forgive and forget then it is for the spouses involved.
• Have open communication about what is making you happy and unhappy– and listen, really listen, to what is going on with your spouse, as well.
• Humor can be wonderful medicine. Laughing with each other — and being open to laugh at yourself when you lose your cool — can really help defuse tense moments. (and you will lose your cool… at least once)
• Be in the Word together. Attend the divine service together. Attend bible study together. Pray together and learn together. Sometimes this can be hard, but your pastor can offer good tips and suggestions on how to approach this.
•  As time goes by your spouse won’t be quite the same as when you got married– and that’s OK. Neither are you.
• ^^ We both became more crotchety ;)
• Remember you don’t have to share all the same interests. Don’t feel like he has to like everything you do, and vice versa. Most men won’t ever share your love of scrapbooking or knitting, and that’s okay.
• Tend to the marriage bed…
• There are hard stages in marriage. There will likely come a point at which you become acutely aware of your spouse’s character flaws. Times when it hits you like a ton of bricks that you are stuck with this man. Things to remember at such times–
  You, too, disappoint. Likely your husband has had similar points at which he, too, realizes he is stuck with you. Grieve if you must for the husband you had hoped he would be. But then move on. Its OK in this world to be sad about something, but we must strive against discontent and despair. If you can do it better (at whatever), do it yourself.

  And the corollary: if you are not simply not able to do it yourself, the way you’d like, be thankful for the help your getting, even if it’s not “your way.”
• Don’t compare your marriage to others’, or your spouse to others’. This often breeds discontent. Instead focus on what God calls us each to do in our vocations within our marriages, seek to use your gifts to serve your spouse, and repent and rest in Christ’s forgiveness when you fail.
• Count your blessings. There was a reason you married this man. Probably many reasons. Those reasons are likely still there, but because of the burden of this sinful world, sometimes you forget the good things about your spouse. Is he faithful to your marriage? does he earn a living? does he love you? Does he make you laugh? Those are basics, and sadly, even they are not always present as they ought to be. Likely you can dig to find other not so important things too. Each husband is differently gifted.
• You cannot change another person. You can only change you. You can change the way you respond to various stressors, the way your live out your vocation of wife. Under the mantle of sin and grace, law and gospel, repentance and forgiveness, you carry on.
• And the corollary: You can’t change your spouse. But you can love him in all his failings. As Christ loves you in all yours.
• It’s a broken world. There will always be pain, sadness, disappointment, anger, laziness, lack of self-control, addiction, lust, greed, disrespect for authority, emotional and physical pain, discontent. Each of us struggles in our own way with an infinite number of sins. Our very nature is filthy. Our homes and comunities are stained. The ideal is science fiction. Seek joy and beauty among all the yuck.
• Help encourage and support him in his godly vocation as spiritual leader. This is so hard in our culture. So lacking. In reality, it’s likely your husband did not grow up with a good example of this. And you must never nag. But find ways in love to encourage and support. Or perhaps even teach, if he doesn’t know. But again, don’t harrass, nag, push, etc.
• Your husband has ways he likes things, too. Perhaps he’s not as vocal or pushy about it (or maybe he is) but either way, fact of like: you don’t always get things your way.

What advice has gotten you or yourr friends through rough marital patches? Any tips?

Photo Credit to Dennis Skley. Some rights reserved.