The Humorous Tales of Our Children in Church
Our kids are all in church frequently — which is great. It has also provided us all some funny tales of their best (or worst — you decide) moments in church. Come, sigh and laugh with us, and maybe find comfort that you’re not — at all — alone.
- He was about three, and we were in church. I had been teaching him the Creed and the Lord’s Prayer, and he jumped right in reciting them in church. I beamed, looked around to make sure everyone saw it, because, well, my kid rocks, and I’m an awesome mom. A few minutes later, I’m not paying attention, but am focused on the sermon, but he’s standing between my mom and my dad. He starts very some very dedicated digging up his nose, pulls out a massive booger, admires it for a while, and then wipes it on the pew in front of us. I missed the whole thing but everyone saw THAT.
- When my friend was seven, she, um, thought she could make it through the end of the service before going to the bathroom…she may have ended up leaving a puddle under the pew during the Benediction!
- Then there are the massive baby farts, that are incredibly loud. So loud that no one believes it was the baby.
- One of my kids dropped a cereal container of KIX at Redeemer, Ft Wayne. They have that slanted floor so they all ran down to the altar during the service. Everyone got to step on the and crunch them for the rest of the service.
- He also had all kinds of Thomas the tank engine trains, which he liked to take to church with him. One day I missed that he had snagged the battery-operated one, so halfway through church Thomas goes chugging up the aisle. Got most of the way there before I saw it.
- Last Sunday during communion my son decided he needed to go potty and insisted on holding his crotch and fidgeting while we waited at the altar. I had to tell him he could wait and to turn around and stand up… Of course the organist had run out of hymns and it was deathly quiet while I scolded him. That was fun.
- He also went through a phase where he wanted to copy the pastors and during prayers would stand on the pew with his arms raised above his head.
- Or how my daughter insisted on wearing her sparkly light up pink snow boots every Sunday for about 6 months…
- The six kids and I were up at the altar for communion… Pastor daddy said the blessing, putting his hand on each child’s head one at a time, and one of my little boys said loudly “duck… Duck… Goose!”
- My oldest tied my husband to the communion rail (using his centure) during a children’s sermon. It took him an entire verse of a hymn to get himself untied.
- Why is this boy so excited for church today? Then I overhear him talking about it, and make the necessary correction… “It’s Palm Sunday, not bomb Sunday. Sorry, son.”
- At the children’s sermon: “Do we follow Jesus, or follow the crowd?
Him: We follow Jesus! We wouldn’t want to follow clouds! (snort! scoff!)
- On the baptism of a new sweet baby boy, a new church tradition was born…
It was a private baptism, and so we all gathered around the font. Our six children plus
four young cousins; the kids wiggled and whispered during the short service. At the very
end, the pastor prayed that the peace of Christ would be with us all, and then
encouraged us to share that peace with one another. Little did he know, the shaking of hands does not happen to be the tradition in our church. When he bent down to offer his hand to one of my daughters, her eyes began to dance as if this were the signal that the horrible sitting-still part of the service was over. She smiled, wound up, and gave the pastor an enormous high-five! Yup, that’s her version of peace!
- I only let him wear them once because of his blister, but now in his mind those are officially his “Sunday School Crocs.”